Anyone want to volunteer to run as his Veep? Torvald says he will only take a Dane as a running mate, since he prefers Danish pastries with his coffee every morning.

PLAIN VIEW HERITAGE FARM,

RURAL BRYANT, SD,

PRESENTS:

"STADEMS LITE,"

With Some Food for Thought Too!

"Hey, Sven," said Ole. "How many Swedes does it take to grease a combine?" After Sven replied, "I don't know," Ole said, "Only two, if you run them through real slow."

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Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride. They had brought along bananas for lunch. Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a long, dark tunnel. "Have you eaten your banana yet?" Ole asked excitedly. "No," replied Lars. "Vell, don't touch it den," Ole exclaimed. "I yust took vun bite and went blind!"

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Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it. "Oh," said Ole, "I persuaded her to svitch to a clarinet." "How come?" asked Lars. "Vell," Ole answered, "because vith a clarinet she can't sing."

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Ole and Lena went to the Olympics. While sitting on a bench a lady turned to Ole and said, "Are you a pole vaulter?" Ole said, "No, I'm Norvegian...and my name isn't Valter."

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Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo?"

"Just a minute," said the busy clerk.

"Vell," said Lena, "if it has to go dat fast, I tink I'll just take da bus."

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Lars asked Ole, "Do ya know da difference between a Swede and a canoe?"

"No, I don't," said Ole.

"A canoe will sometimes tip," explained Lars.

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Ole is so cheap that after his airplane landed safely he grumbled "Vell, dere gose five dollars down da drain for dat flight insurance!"

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Lars: "Ole, stand in front of my car and tell me if da turn signals are working."

Ole: "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No..."

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From "On the Lighter Side" in "Uptown Pumpkin Center Coffee News":

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

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Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through the snow.

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There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.

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"Did you know?" in "Uptown Hayti Coffee News":

Some animals, such as jackrabbits and mule deer, have built-in air conditioning--through their large, floppy ears. Their ears are full of blood vessels, and as their blood passes through them, the heat radiates out, cooling the animal off. This is built-in Rabbit AC!

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Like rhubarb sauce and pie, and don't know what nutritional value there is to them? Rhubarb is one of the first vegetables to burst from the ground in the spring. The stalk is ninety-five-percent water, rich in Vitamin C, and some studies have shown it may even fight cancer. So go enjoy it without guilt!

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What did the carrot say to the wheat? "Lettuce rest, I'm feeling beet."

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Why don't you ever iron a four-leaf clover? You might press your luck.

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"Quotable Quotes" in "Uptown DeSmet Coffee News":

"Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit."--Aris Totleson (a Norwegian philosopher living in Ancient Greece because the warmth of the sun there was good for his lumbago)

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Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

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A Norwegian herring, that for many years swam along with a friendly Swedish whale, appeared one day without its companion. Asked where the whale was, the herring replied: "How would I know? Am I my blubber's kipper?"

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"Success is the ability to go one from failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm."--Sir Winston Churchill (who must have had some Viking Norwegian in his blood line to have come up with such genius as this, which should almost eliminate the very idea of giving up due to repeated failure from ever occurring again in government circles in Washington!)

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Uptown Dry Lake, SD, Marina Coffee News:

A Swedish rabbit had difficulty hopping. He was keeping one foot in his pocket for good luck.

Why can't a woman ask her brother for help in Sweden? Because he can't be a brother and assist her.

Classified ad in Norwegian theater bulletin: Young Danish actor looking for work in environmental films. Experienced in roles of Dead Penguin, victim of eating a Happy Meal and the box container, and offstage, Dying Frog emitting last croaks after swimming in a toxic spill of purified spring water.

Did you hear about the smart Finnish cat who ate cheese so he could peer down mouse holes with baited breath?

Why did the overworked Norwegian government employee tear off part of his desk calendar? He wanted to take a few days off to go fishing in the Sogn Fjord.

O-be-sity: a fat honeybee.

Border cafe: The outdoor patio of a cafe in the Dutch city of Baale-Nassau sits right on the border of the Netherlands and Belgium. Customers can place one foot in a pothole puddle in Belgium and keep the other foot dry in the Netherlands while they drink their coffee.

What was the only word spoken and repeated by the Norwegian raven in Edgar Allan Poe's poem, "The Raven"? Answer: "Uffdah!"

President Truman had a sign on his desk in the White House that read, "The Buck Stops Here." After being awarded the Nobel Prize for her novel about an entrepeneuring peasant farmer in China titled "The Good Earth," Pearl Buck should have paid a call to to the White House and told Truman exactly what she thought about his rude reference to her good name.

Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticked. He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.

What do lyou get when a chicken lays an egg on a barn roof? An eggroll.

Why was the blueberry sad? Because her mom was in a jam!

Viking explorer Erik the Red had to flee Iceland, where he got in big trouble with the law, and settled in Greenland. There he turned another Leif (Leif Erikson, his son, that is!).

History tip: Greenland, named by Erik the Red who discovered and settled it, wasn't named by Erik "Redland" like you would expect because he was very selfish and knew that other explorers would take one look at all the ice, snow and rock and decide it wasn't green, so they would go elsewhere thinking they had gotten off course.

Iceland was named by Vikings for the same reason, to discourage other would-be settlers--and the name still works admirably, keeping the population low.

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims!

Plain View Heritage Home Pages: The Introductory (or Front Door)


Format Only: 2014, Butterfly Productions, All Rights Reserved