This travel guide to the almost indescribable marvels of Scandinavia, beginning with the Kingdom of Norway, was composed without the guide ever having been to the countries described. Any resemblance to actual persons and places in Scandinavia is, of course, purely coincidental. Scandinavia is composed of five nations, which hardly anyone but Scandinavians can name correctly in order to come up with the complete list. Now let us view this Nordic Shangri-la of the Far North! This will save the considerable expense of going to any of these places, and Scandinavians, being thrifty, would certainly approve of your decision to stay home and save your hard-earned krone! (what Norwegians call their money)
The original natives of
Norway are called Laplanders. There are various theories, how they got that name, for they do have laps when they sit down, and, yes, they do lap their
coffee from their saucers. However they got the name, we know one thing for certain, it stuck. Here is Boggi the Laplander and his trusty raindeer, Soggi, travelling along the Arctic Circle. He usually travels in a circle, too, so as not to leave his country, which means his route is circular, extending right along the Arctic Circle, which provides a convenient circuitous boundary.
No wonder he is a dizzy fellow!
Norway's most famous sculptor, Gustav Vigeland created this art masterpiece in Duckner Park, Oslo. It took 5,000 separate plaster casts on living specimens to complete, only five hundred of which were used for the final
casting in styrofoam. Accused of nepotism, he was obliged to leave out 1500 Vigeland relatives who had hoped to gain immortality.
As you can plainly see, Norway's famed homogeneity is not exaggerated: Ole the Farmer, Ole the Cod Fisherman, Ole the Logger, Ole the Oilman, and Mrs. Ole Olson (a Norwegian-American tourist).
The standard recipe for Lutefisk, the National Dish, is simple, though almost unbelievable.
This typical stretch of the Norwegian Road System defies all known laws of gravity. You travel Norwegian roads at your own risk, as no insurance company in the world will cover you.
The uncouth, bad-tempered, grumbling and spitting Troll Peaks of Romsdal can be hazardous to well-meaning tourists who stop to feed them.
Fast, sleek hydrofoils on Norwegian fjords whisk fresh lefse and maybe not so fresh lutefisk to market in Oslo and Bergen in a matter of a few minutes where previouly it took hours by dog and sled in the winter when the fyords froze over. Of course, the hydrofoils can sail only in summer, so the dog and sled is still required for the remaining eight months of the year.
Happy Face stickers on the mugs of
Norwegians don't go over well with the more reserved Swedes.
The renowned Viking yachtsman and explorer, Leif Eriksen, shown here about to discover America (Vinland) in his ship, the Wandering
Viking, is hopelessly lost. He goes ashore to ask directions at a tourist office run by the Skraelings, the local Indian tribe, and after
he decides to stay, he builds a house for his family, and his first son born in America (Vinland) is named Snorri (a
common Norwegian name, since the
Norwegians are known for sleeping a lot).
Tronheim, or Hell (two rival towns in Norway) are places you might
be wise to avoid.
King Harald the Hard built Oslo's cathedral the hard way, using stone for the entire building.
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HONORARY SCANDINAVIAN COUNTRY, NORMANY-FRANCE: POODLE HEAVEN TOONS
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